Secretly Wanting
by TeaWriter
Summary: Miscommunication loves company. Kairi and Riku? If only either of them knew. / Kairiku pairing.


Author's Note: One-shot for now. Might add a chapter later. Give Kairiku much love, okay? ;)

Another fresh morning on Destiny Islands. The gracious leaves of lush palm trees fluttered in the dancing breeze while the ever-present waves nudged their way up the sandy beach. The sky was an overturned bowl of robin's-egg-blue with a few marshmallow puffs of clouds drifting nonchalantly across the morning. The small village was just beginning to stir. Children and adults alike rubbed their eyes, yawning and stretching. Mothers began to prepare breakfast, and the sizzle of bacon and eggs battled with the slinky-yet-sharp scent of coffee. The lone newsboy on his bike tossed the paper expertly, revealing a quick reflex of sinewy muscle with a slight sheen of sweat. Showers were running, birds were chirping, the sun was smiling.

In a modest two-story bungalow, a slender form yawned herself awake from underneath her lighter-than-air, hibiscus-patterned comforter. Deep blue eyes with stray hints of purple blinked sleepily as the sunbeams danced across the bed. Another yawn with a hand running through tousled bright-auburn hair and Kairi was ready for a shower. After careful inspection of her face in the bathroom mirror, especially those nasty dark circles, she turned on the shower and stripped of her pajamas. _Thank goodness it's the last day of school,_ she thought as she tested the temperature of the water before stepping into the shower and moaning her appreciation at the pattern of warmth beating gently on her bare back.

A couple streets over, Riku was fighting the alarm clock for more sleep. _Beep, beep, beep!_

"Ngh," the silver-haired teen grunted as a muscular arm reached to slam the abused snooze button once more.

"Last day of school, son," his mother called from the other side of the door as she headed for the kitchen, "Get up now."

Yawning, Riku stumbled out of bed toward the bathroom. He didn't even bother looking in the mirror as he started the shower. Mornings were always like this. Emotionless, longing for more sleep, just downright lethargic. Riku was not a morning person. But then again, what teen on Destiny Islands was? _Well, maybe with the exception of Selphie…_ He mused as he let the streams from the shower head pound his back in a soothing back massage.

Students on Destiny Islands had no need for a school bus, as it was a small place and the school was in a good location. Riku aimlessly fell in step with the other teens who were on their way to school, refusing to engage in conversations with the enthusiastic chatterboxes.

He shouldered his backpack and sighed. His life sucked. His restless spirit clamored for adventure, though he'd sternly told it that he'd had enough after the whole escapade with the Darkness, Organization XIII, Heartless, Sora… _Damnit._ He promised himself he wouldn't think about his best friend again. Ever since the King called Sora back into service, it had been a whole school year without him. The famous trio that everyone on the island was used to seeing was now just Kairi and Riku.

_Kairi._ Riku shook his head, glossy silver strands of perfect hair shimmying from the motion. That was another thing wrong with his life. Kairi and Sora. Sora and Kairi. It was always about them. He was just the third wheel. Everyone talked about them. Everyone knew they were a couple. Perhaps the only people who didn't know it were Sora and Kairi themselves. He chuckled. Stupid kids. But he loved them anyway. They were together ever since Kairi washed up on the shore that fateful evening so long ago. A group of friends for life. Sora was always saying that. But…

Riku clenched his fists. He couldn't deny it. For the past couple years, he'd observed quietly as Kairi grew up into a young woman. No longer the spindly, frail, doe-eyed girl that was always relying on Sora and Riku, she was breathtaking. Modest curves, darker strawberry hair that shone in the sunlight, deep blue eyes that could look right through you, and a laugh that he would never tire of. He wanted her. So badly. But she was Sora's. Everyone knew that. And so Riku had stayed away, taking on the role of her older, protective brother. It was what was expected of him, he had decided. Not to mention it was a great role, beating up any punk who dared to ask Kairi out after school. He smirked in satisfaction. If nothing else would come of his feelings, then he supposed that having an older brother status would suffice. With that decided, he straightened up and began walking faster.

"Riku, wait up!" Kairi burst from her front door, purple backpack in one hand and a piece of buttered toast in the other hand. He glanced down at her as she fell into step beside him, sticking the toast into her mouth while she fixed her school uniform's tie. He grinned.

"Want me to hold that for you?" He nodded toward the toast. She growled at him playfully.

"No way! It'd be down your throat by the time I finished with my tie!" She said after taking the toast out of her mouth.

"Spent too much time in the bathroom?" He raised an eyebrow. She blushed.

"Yeah."

A comfortable silence fell between them as they trekked toward the high school. Kairi couldn't help but feel sad as she walked. RIght about now, Sora would be commenting on his schedule for the day ahead, wondering if they'd want to go to the beach after class let out, and then she would laugh and ask if he had already studied for the history test, to which Riku would shove Sora and smirk because the two boys knew that he hadn't. Sora would blush and try to play it down, and then they would agree to meet after school to head down to the beach.

_Sora._ She missed her best friend. His crazy smile, his enthusiasm, the energetic way he fought with Riku, his fondness for paopu fruits. She blushed. Paopu fruits. At first she was wary of the legend that promised that two souls would be forever entwined if they shared a paopu fruit. Then as hormones started to kick in, it became utterly romantic. She couldn't help but remember the sadness that had flashed for a millisecond in Riku's face as she bit into the fruit with Sora after he'd won in a race against Riku. She peeked out from under her eyelashes up at the teen strolling beside her. He was lost in his own thoughts. Biting her lip, she looked away.

It hurt when Sora left. When the King called him back into service, he promised he'd be back soon. It was almost a year now. Everyone was strangely nice to her. She couldn't understand why. Riku was the only one who treated her the same way. At dusk, she would go down to the beach and find Riku sitting on their favorite palm tree, overlooking the ocean. She'd jump up beside him and lean against him, and they'd talk about Sora. She knew he missed him just as much as she did. For that whole year, it had been just the two of them. Though they hung out with other friends on the island, Kairi knew that she, Riku, and Sora shared a special bond, much deeper than their other friendships. She sighed and slipped her hand into Riku's. He looked down at her in surprise.

"What's up, princess?" He asked. She blushed. Lately she'd heard other people talking. About her and Sora. About how they were meant to be. At first she had silently agreed with them. It was the paopu fruit's doing, right? But she couldn't understand why, for the past few years, she hadn't wanted Sora in the way that a couple should want each other. She loved him, that was a given, but it wasn't Sora she was interested in.

She bit her lip. Riku's question was simple, yet the way he spoke it was so damn deep and sexy she felt her insides melt just a little bit. His silky, perfectly groomed silver hair was the envy of every girl on the island. His muscular form was lean and graceful. She loved watching him spar with Wakka or Tidus. It was almost as if he was dancing as he thrust his Keyblade toward his opponent. His movements were lightning-quick and full of purpose. Riku was aggressive in fighting just as he was with everything else.

She remembered the time they had gone swimming last week. It had been another perfect afternoon. She had wanted to tan, but Riku would have none of it. He had scooped her up despite her protests and sprinted toward the waves. He dumped her in unceremoniously with a laugh. She came up sputtering and was just about to rail at him when she was suddenly speechless. Riku was perfect. The sunlight glinted off his muscular form as they stood in the shallow, knee-deep breakers. She envied how the ocean water trickled down his pale biceps, down his stupid, pretty hair, down his well-defined chest, into his dark blue trunks… She shook her head quickly. Did he know what he was doing to her? _Get a grip!_ She chastised herself. _He doesn't want you that way._

Riku studied the slender girl as she thought. Did she hear him? Her complexion was rosier than his pale skin, her blue eyes growing stormy in thought as she battled with something. He saw her chew on her lower lip and couldn't tear his gaze away. What he wanted to do to her! He cursed himself and unintentionally squeezed her hand tighter. She whimpered in surprise and turned to face him, and he just about lost himself in the depths of her royal sapphire eyes.

"Sorry," he muttered. "Why are you…" he motioned toward their joined hands. She glanced down and then blushed once again.

"I just… I don't want to go to school," she lamely shrugged. Riku laughed.

"It's the last day of school, princess; I'm sure you'll survive." He squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"Yeah…" She hid her smile at hearing his nickname for her.

"Kairi! Riku!" Selphie's cheerful voice interrupted their gaze, and they turned to see the bouncy girl waving to them, a clean-cut invitation in her hand.

"Hi Selphie," Kairi pulled her hand away to hug her and Riku immediately regretted it, sticking his hands into his pockets.

"What's up, Selph?" He nodded.

"Let's have a small last day of school party this evening," Selphie pressed the invitation into Kairi's hand excitedly. "The whole gang will be there, and we'll play games and have a bonfire!" Kairi grinned at her friend's enthusiasm.

"Definitely, I'll come!" She replied.

"Ditto," Riku smiled graciously. Selphie practically beamed.

"Great! I'll see you the—" Her words faded into a squeal as Seifer came up from behind and snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her up against him.

"There you are." His rough-and-tough voice had a touch of gentleness to it as she spun around in his arms to cradle his face with her hands. "Been lookin' all over for you, babe." He smirked in the other teens' direction as he bent down to kiss his girlfriend. She giggled and waved to Kairi and Riku.

"See you tonight!" She called as she and Seifer walked off together.

"I still don't see how they could get together," Riku voiced his thoughts before he had a chance to monitor himself. Kairi looked up at him and chuckled.

"It can happen. They look good together anyway, and they balance each other out. He takes good care of her," She watched them enter the school building hand in hand.

"Whatever," He shrugged. "Guess I'll see you tonight at the beach," Riku sauntered off toward his class.

"Have a good day, Riku," She answered as she started off toward her own class.

"Hey Wakka, Riku, I'll race you to the dunes from here," Tidus called, standing up in the shallow water. "Whoever wins gets to kiss Selphie and eat the last s'more!"

"Kiss her and you're signing your death warrant," Seifer growled. Hayner laughed. Both he and Tidus loved teasing Seifer about Selphie. Everyone had been surprised when the tough gang leader had fallen for a seemingly clumsy girl like her, but so far things were going well with the newest couple on Destiny Islands.

"Are you her knight in shining armor?" Hayner jibed.

"I think he's growing soft," Tidus added. "What do you think, Wakka?"

The older teen held up his hands. "Leave me outta this!"

"C'mere, you little punks," Seifer lunged for Tidus, who laughed and skillfully dodged him with a splash of water. The guys whooped and hollered over their friends' antics while the girls lounged on the beach in the slowly-but-surely-setting sun.

"Where are the others?" Kairi asked Yuffie, watching as the dark-haired girl slathered on copious amounts of sunscreen. She shrugged.

"Cloud was having a bad day, so Tifa decided to stay home with him, and Leon was being a crabby bitch," She made a face. "So it's just me and Cid!" Yuffie motioned to the older man trying to follow Selphie's cooking directions. Olette rested comfortably, knees drawn up to her chin as Fuu braided the younger girl's hair. Rai and Pence had just emerged from the brush and raced down to the water to join the other guys.

Kairi sighed and put her arms behind her head as she stretched out comfortably on her beach towel. School was over, she was here with friends, and it was a perfect day. She let her mind wander as she closed her eyes in the shade of her beach umbrella. A shadow fell over her closed eyelids and she peeked.

Riku stood before her, dripping wet and smirking down at her. She tried not to think about her other beach memories from earlier that morning. "Hmm?" She asked as her eyes drifted closed again.

_What a piece of sexy… Focus, man,_ Riku took in a deep breath. "Come join us," He invited warmly. Kairi chuckled.

"No way. Today I've decided not to get wet. I'm just going to have a nice relaxing time on the— Riku!" She screeched as the silver-haired teen yanked her up and wrapped his wet body around her warm, dry one.

"Don't be silly," He whispered alluringly close to her ear, "A nice dunk will do you a world of good." She fought and screamed but he ignored her threats and brought her to the water's edge. The rest of the group cheered as he tossed her into the shallow waves. She popped back up and wiped the water from her eyes.

"I'm going to kill you, Riku!" Kairi bellowed, her blue eyes dark with thoughts of revenge. He grinned and began to run.

"You'll have to catch me first!" He taunted. She shrieked in fury and took off after him. Wakka laughed.

"You might as well give up, Kairi! He's too fast for any of us to catch!"

"Not if I can help it!" She called over her shoulder. She chased him down the whole length of beach (it wasn't that long, anyway) until he disappeared around the bend. "Riku, wait!" Kairi hollered.

Suddenly she crashed into his broad chest, knocking him to the ground. "Ow." She mumbled. "Why'd you stop like that?"

"God, Kairi, you're getting stronger," Riku joked as he glanced down at the redhead lying on top of him. "Such a bully."

She raised angry eyes to meet his amused aqua-green ones. "_You're_ the bully! Now I'm all wet and gross!" She huffed and sat up.

"Lighten up, princess," Riku chuckled. "Think of all the benefits. You got exercise, you don't have to shower anymore, you're sitting in the lap of a drop-dead-gorgeous guy, you— Hey!" He tried to hide his grin in a look of mock-hurt when the feisty girl slapped his chest, but failed. She stood up, offering her hand to him. He got up and they realized the place where they were.

"The old cave…" Riku said quietly.

"Sora…" Kairi whispered painfully. On impulse she threw her arms around his waist and sobbed. "I really miss him, Riku." He clenched his jaw as he wrapped his arms around her and lowered his chin on top of her head.

"I do too, princess."

"How do we know if he's safe? If he's doing alright? When will he come back?" She mumbled into his chest. He squeezed her tighter in response.

"I don't know," He whispered honestly, hoarsely, as the hurt he'd hidden away for so long threatened to burst forth due to Kairi's tears. "Sora can take care of himself," He cleared his throat in a confident voice. He had to be strong. For Kairi. For both of them.

"I didn't want him to leave," She confessed as her sobs slowed down. "But it would have been selfish to keep him here. And he looked so happy to be going on another adventure…" Her voice trailed off into another strangled cry. Riku stroked her hair, murmuring quiet nothings into her ear as he waited for her to stop crying. _Her heart still belongs to him,_ he sighed to himself.

"He'll come back for you. He always does," He finally replied defeatedly. She frowned against his skin and looked up at him. Did he know what other people were saying about her and Sora? What did he think of this? He avoided her stare and looked out at the ocean. The sun was beginning to set, barely touching the horizon of the water, setting it on fire with a tinge of gold.

"Riku," She began, "I've been hearing people say certain things… About me and Sora. Do you… Have you heard?" She swallowed hard. Riku's jaw clenched.

"Yeah."

She stepped away from his embrace, and his arms fell to his sides. Studying him carefully, she asked, "Do you think that Sora and I are supposed to be together, like they say we are?" He refused to meet her gaze and kept looking out at the ocean. The silence stretched on as she watched the conflict going on in his stormy aqua eyes.

Finally he looked at her with mixture of defeat and tenderness. "Of course, Kai. You're Sora's girl. I wouldn't have it any other way," He smiled at her confused expression, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "C'mon. Let's get back to the others," He said lightly, turning to walk back toward the group.

Kairi stood still, letting his words wash over her. _I wouldn't have it any other way,_ his deep voice echoed in her mind. Biting her lip, she understood. He was rejecting her. He knew who she was to be with. He… Riku…

_He's the one._ Recognition opened her eyes. She blinked twice, then was swiftly brought back to the present. Riku was motioning to her. "You gonna stay out here all by yourself? There are strange creatures on this part of the island," He teased. She gave him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, shoving him playfully.

They began walking. In silence. Riku frowned as he glanced at his friend. "Kai, you okay?" He nudged her. She was deep in thought.

"Yeah," she muttered absent-mindedly. He raised an eyebrow but shrugged. They strolled back to where the others were. The guys had finally gotten all the girls to get into the water, and now that the stars were beginning to show themselves in a darkening sky, everyone was gathered around a healthy bonfire, chatting away and eating the food that Cid had prepared with Selphie's help.

Kairi joined the circle, sitting beside Selphie. She took in the scene. Yuffie was daring Seifer to eat her infamous combination of roasted mini hot dogs on a gooey bed of melted marshmallows, all smashed between two thick graham crackers. Rai and Wakka were arm-wrestling. Hayner and Tidus were teasing Olette, making her blush fiercely, while Pence and Fuu were discussing the price of sea-salt ice cream back in Twilight Town. Laughter and conversation danced into the breezy night air with the smoke and sparks from the crackling bonfire. The only thing missing was Sora… She thought sadly.

Riku took his place in between Wakka and Tidus, slightly just across the fire from Kairi. He wondered what she was thinking about. He was captivated by the way she chewed on her lower lip, deep in thought. He adored the furrow of her slender eyebrows, the dance of light and shadow from the flames on her sun-kissed skin, the way the fire reflected a different color in her bluish-purple eyes. She was perfect. And she wasn't his. _You're Sora's girl,_ he remembered bitterly. Abruptly he got up and strode away from the group, without anybody noticing.

The gathering soon drew to a close and people began leaving.

"You owe me some of that sea-salt ice cream I keep hearing about," Yuffie called as Seifer walked Selphie home. He ignored her snickers and nuzzled his girlfriend, putting his arm around her waist.

Hayner, Pence, Olette, Rai, and Fuu opened a portal to their home, waving good-bye to the rest on the beach before disappearing into a piercing beam of light. Wakka and Tidus put out the fire before heading to their respective homes.

Kairi sighed. She didn't even notice when Riku left earlier that evening. She started up the path to the village, but something seemed to be pulling her toward the old cave. Curiously, she let herself wander down the beach, around the bend, past the foliage, underneath the tree roots, deeper into the cave.

There it was. The drawings of Sora and her, feeding each other paopu fruits. When they had first drawn on the cave wall, it had been in fun. Then slowly, it began to hold some untold meaning, bringing them closer together. And now… Now that he was gone… She drew her knees up to her chin and began to cry in frustration. _I just don't know!_ She screamed silently. Now the cave drawing mocked her, taunted her. Now it was stupid. Now, it had lost any meaning. _You're Sora's girl. _Riku's voice echoed. _I wouldn't have it any other way._ She whimpered. To put it mildly, rejection sucked. She cried for a few more minutes until her sobs quieted down and stopped. "Riku…" She whispered.

Crawling out from the cave, she turned to go to her home, but something caught the corner of her eye. Their favorite bent palm tree. And a lone figure was sitting on it. Riku. The moon shone down, big and bright and full, illuminating the sand as if the beach was covered in crushed diamonds. He looked ethereal. Silver hair reflected the moon's barely-there rays. His pale skin was a map of light and shadow. The only movement was his fist clenching and unclenching. She watched in fascination as the muscles in his arm rippled rhythmically. His chest rose and fell peacefully as he took in a breath.

"Kairi." He acknowledged.

_How did he know I was here?_ She wondered. He turned his eyes to meet her innocent gaze. Piercing eyes of aquamarine. Eyes that penetrated her very being to the core, as if he knew her. She let her own gaze drift over his face. Strong planes, a well-defined chin, angled nose, and a mouth that could only be described as sensuous. He was a god in every aspect. She couldn't ignore the quicker pace of her heartbeat. Slowly, as if in a trance, she drew closer to him until she was standing in front of him. He jumped down from his perch.

"Shouldn't you be in bed, princess?" He joked, a contrast from the thick seriousness that permeated the air, surrounding them, threatening to change everything between them into something more than what they were to each other. She gasped as his hand rubbed her arm. Since when did she have goosebumps? It wasn't that cold on the tropical islands during the moon's hours. "You're cold," he stated.

"No… I'm not cold…" She whispered. He led her to the base of the tree, sitting down and gently tugging her down with him to rest in between his legs. She leaned against his back and he wrapped his arms around her.

For a moment, everything was perfect for both him and her. She closed her eyes, her head resting in the crook of his neck. He breathed in her scent; strawberries, tropical flowers, and the slight tang of tears that was so uniquely Kairi. Having her within his arms felt so right. She was soft, delicate, and _real_. How many times had he had dreams about this slim girl who had changed his life? How many times had he woken up, disappointed in finding no one except himself in his room? How many times? He tightened his grip on her in frustration and longing.

"Riku," She breathed, reassuring and calming him down.

"Kairi," His voice came out hoarsely, raggedly. "Do you know how much I want you?" There. It was out in the open. She knew. He heard her gasp, but plunged on. "Everyone says you're supposed to be with Sora. You two were meant for each other. But… Over the past few years… I've… I've wanted you for myself." He shook his head and laughed harshly, making her wince at the pain in his voice. "Pretty selfish of me, huh?" He buried his nose into her hair. "I'm sorry for feeling this way about you. But I can't keep it to myself anymore. Now you know. But don't worry, I'm not going to interfere when Sora comes back. You're Sora's girl." The words were carried away in the night breeze. The ocean's waves lapped at the shore, waiting for her reply.

She stiffened. "I'm _not_ Sora's girl." She said loudly, disturbing the evening's calm. Riku blinked. She turned her face toward him. He almost choked at the intensity of her deep sapphire eyes angrily boring into his surprised pair. "It's true that everyone says I'm supposed to be with Sora. It hurt the most when you said it yourself, that you wouldn't have it any other way. Maybe the paopu fruit has some power in Sora's destiny and mine, but…" She struggled to find the words. "Something has happened to me in the past few years as well." She placed her hand on his chest, twisting around in his arms to face him with her body. "Riku, I've fallen in love with you. I can't see myself with Sora anymore. I used to, but people change. If only you knew how much I've daydreamed and dreamed of us being together! Thinking about you and how I couldn't approach you or be closer to you than a friend frustrated me until I was sick to my stomach." She laughed dryly. Riku was silent. "Please…" She whispered pleadingly, reaching a hand up to caress his face, "don't reject me?" He closed his eyes, leaning into her hand.

Joy as he had never known flooded his entire being. He felt like jumping up and spinning her around at this newfound knowledge. But just as quickly, it disappeared as one fact surfaced above the whirlwind of happy thoughts. _Disappointment strikes again, _he mentally rolled his eyes. Disappointment. It followed him everywhere. _Guess I should be used to it._

"Kairi," he smiled down at her tenderly, "I can't tell you how much I've longed to hear that from you. This is definitely a dream come true. But…" He sighed. "I can never be with you. There's too much wrong that I've done…" He sought to explain before she could protest. "I failed you and Sora so many times. During my time in the Darkness, I betrayed you. I was helpless, drowning in the Darkness, fighting against Sora, and I didn't even know who I was anymore. But my biggest regret was not being able to save you." He closed his eyes, clenching his jaw. "I'm sorry, Kai. I loved you so much, but I couldn't save you." He whispered hoarsely.

She listened quietly. Her heart ached for him. He had no right to be tearing into himself like this. Besides, he was wrong. She touched his arm.

"Riku, those things don't matter when it comes to us. What's done is done. You _did_ save me, though. Sora might have gotten most of the credit, but Riku, the fact that you went after me first means the world to me. That you sacrificed yourself to the Darkness in order to save both Sora and me, that is something to be proud of." She bit her lip, looking down. "I'm proud of you. And I won't stop loving you." Her voice trailed off as she blushed.

He tilted her chin up, gazing into her face. So innocent yet so wise… The look of deep-seated trust on her face wrenched his heart. _Is this what it's like to be loved?_ He wondered as he lowered his head. _To be forgiven despite everything I've done to her, to Sora, to myself… Is this love?_ All thoughts disappeared into the night as he gently touched the softness of her lips with his own. She closed her eyes and let him take her to new levels of unspeakable happiness. Her hands tangled into his shimmering strands of silver as they began responding more passionately to each other. His arm was tightening around her waist while the pad of his thumb brushed the softness of her cheek.

When they pulled apart a few inches for air, he smirked at her appearance. She drew in a shallow breath. Her face was flushed and her lips were deliciously swollen. Kairi blushed even harder when she met his intense stare. She turned around to lean against his broad chest. His arms wrapped themselves comfortably around her waist and he dropped a kiss into the strawberry strands of her hair. He had never felt so at peace with the world, with his life, with _her. _She sighed contentedly and began to feel sleep tugging her to dreamland.

"I love you, Riku," She whispered before drifting off, safe in his muscular arms. He nuzzled her with the hint of a smile.

"And I love you, princess."


End file.
